Feeling like you belong

You belong here

Feeling like you belong is incredibly important. It affects everything you do for your learning and life as a student! But finding your place and your people at college takes time - it's a process. Most everyone goes through moments where they feel alone or wonder if they made the right decision. But there are some real steps you can take to help your campus feel a little more like a second home every week and some tips for making new friends.

Sometimes you may be looking for an academic or social opportunity to meet new people; at other times, you may be looking for others who share your experiences or interests. Remember you are surrounded by helpers like academic advisors and student support center staff who know how to get you connected when you're feeling out of place. Ask them for more ideas!

Get started by experimenting with ways to connect and engage with the people around you. Watch the video to the left to hear from your fellow IU students and keep these tips in mind for how to start new relationships

Finding Your Place on Campus

  • When you’re hanging around waiting for class to begin, ask a classmate to show you how they’re taking notes, or see if anyone is up for a study group or group chat.
  • Visit all your professors in "office hours" to introduce yourself, help them put a face to the name, and get to know them. This is how you find future mentors and recommenders. Come with a question about the class or just your curiosity about what they do and how they got into their field.
  • Grab a new friend and attend a call-out meeting for a student club, go see a talk or an amazing performance, or check out all the other exciting virtual and in-person things happening around campus.

OK, so now you’re on a campus that is full of strangers (at first).  And it can feel really weird and awkward to go up to someone, as an adult, and say “Will you be my friend?”  But, guess what?  You’re not alone – pretty much every other student is in the same boat!  On top of that, according to some surveys, nearly 20% of people in general report loneliness.  But we often don’t know it, because it can be hard to admit and even harder to share.

These ideas might help:

  • Most people want friends to happen organically, like it’s based on luck vs. based on effort.  But it often takes some initiative.   
  • The “liking gap” - research suggests that other people like us more than we think they do.  Start assuming people like you.  Also useful to keep in mind when it comes time for networking!  
  • We tend to think people who are good at making friends are that way because they are especially outgoing, intelligent, interesting, cool, or accomplished.  But what we find from the research is that, actually, people who are really good at making other people feel like they matter who can affirm them and make them feel valuable and special are the best at making new friends.  
  • One of the best ways to do this is to be vulnerable, because it shows you’re being true and real, trusting, and affectionate.  It makes others feel special and opens them up to sharing with you.  Researchers sometimes call this the “beautiful mess” effect. 

Everyone belongs here!

One of the coolest and most exciting things about college is the many, many different people you meet from all over the world, with a truly vast range of perspectives, experiences, and ways of life. It makes your world bigger. So one of the most important things we can do for each other is to make room so our campus community feels warm and welcome to everyone. This doesn't mean that we should try to change ourselves (or others) to better fit in. What it does mean is being responsible for one another's sense of belonging, in the sense of being responsive to that need by seeking to better understand and appreciate the richness of these differences. That makes for a better place to learn, work, and live for all of us.

So, we each bring all kinds of different identities with us to college that might impact the way we move through the world. Like what, for example?  

Race, ethnicity, nationality, citizenship, and culture; Gender and sexuality; Disability; Mental health; Age; Socioeconomic class; Religious belief; Political perspective; Prior family history with attending college and other significant life experiences; Physical appearance; Displacement from home, including refugees and asylees; and All the complex intersections of these identities.

Simply put, no matter who you are, you are an IU student, so you belong on our campuses. If you ever start to doubt this, or even if you just want to learn more about how to be a strong ally for each other, use the following resources to help you get the support you need.

You Got This!

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